Just a short whine.
When you have chronic pain your life is at the mercy of the vagaries of whatever controls the pain. Good days are the ones where I simply hurt a lot. Bad days I am insane with the pain. Good days are usually mad foggy by the effects of pain and meds (both for pain and depression). Bad days I am insane with the pain. Oddly enough my mind is sharper on the bad days. My mind races and analyzes every aspect. On good days mind races and analyzes every aspect – just not the same as the bad days.
The last couple months have been worse than the months that preceded it. And, thankfully, chronic pain is cyclical and the current bad cycle seems to be ebbing.
At 51 I find myself asking if the good outweighs the bad? And I search for ways to make the good times better and the bad times shorter or of less effect. Some find escape in alcohol and illegal drugs. I cannot see how alcohol, in the long run, can make things better. As for drugs, a case can be made for cannabis, but other drugs, like alcohol, take a toll that outweighs their value.
I have spoken to a number of people who seem to be benefiting greatly from cannabis. I am happy for them. I have not met a single person who is doing better with alcohol or other drugs. They have simply added a new misery to their pain.
For me cannabis is not an option. I smoked my last joint when I was 18 or 19. Like the pain and the prescribed meds I currently cannabis fogged my mind and was not pleasant. I decided that my life would be better without it and that assessment still holds. I am happy for the people who are helped by cannabis.
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